Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
