Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
