Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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