My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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