I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
