Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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