So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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