So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
