Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
