you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
40s are totally the cure
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
