So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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