Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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