West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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