STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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