upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
