i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
