I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
