things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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