Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
