I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
