I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My liver just had a heart attack.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
