don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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