should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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