Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
