Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
