why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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