Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't turn off my feet"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
