I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
