I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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