Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize