i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My pussy is not your playground.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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