remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
