so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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