I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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