I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
