Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
