Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
