the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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