hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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