Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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