every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
