she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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