was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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