this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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