Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
