if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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