Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
