I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
