No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I smell like Dick and happiness
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