he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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