Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
