My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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