sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
