whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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