I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
