I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
