So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
