When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I fill condoms, not promises.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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