Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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