Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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