if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
