We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
