I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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