wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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