Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
