he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I miss vodka workout Fridays
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
