Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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