i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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