Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
