He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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