Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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