hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
