you guys were way drunker than both of me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
