U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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