I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
