Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
