I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it penis luge time yet?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
