East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
