I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
