He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
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