i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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